There are so many different ways of parenting, different styles, different advice and different techniques. And as a parent you have to choose what works for you right?
What do you do if when you choose what works for you, goes against what you would like to do? Lately, I’ve been comparing… I guess that’s problem number one right, comparing my three to other mums with one baby. And having thoughts like, ah I’d love to sit down and read a book to one of the girls with no distraction, just one on one time with them…. But realistically, how do I do that with just me and three bubbas wanting my attention. Especially at this age? I’m assuming as they get older it will be easier to do it…. I hope. Especially miss Chay, no one else is “allowed on my lap if she wants to go on it” (this is my current struggle).
How do I have all three in my bed some nights, when my bed just isn’t big enough, and my room isn’t big enough for a bigger bed? I love cuddle time. I really do. Miss Bri sleeps terribly and Miss Nae come to think of it, but they love to be real close to you, literally just under your head, sometimes on top of it (no word of a lie) but I like it. I tell my husband all the time, they’ll get to an age when they don’t want hugs anymore so enjoy all the hugs you can get now. But I’m not sure I can logistically find a way of doing it on a daily basis.
¿¿¿¿¿Or am I just making up excuses and not trying hard enough?????
Oh I loved the sling when the girls were younger, but never figured out how to sling all three at the same time… Safely. I didn’t even feel comfortable putting one in the sling, the make shift ones that is. Miss Nae would usually be in the sling, she was always the hardest to settle.
Bath times was another one of my worries. I always felt bathtime was so rushed. I had always imagined bath times to be fun times. Only now is it becoming more fun, that they can sit up, and I can put all three in. (it’s hard work though, slightly stressful since they all want to stand up at the same time, but I feel like theyve missed out on it for over a year, it’s worth the 10 mins of stress each evening). Usually it’s just me for bath times, so it’s been one in, one out… Quick before the other two start crying. I had tried the bath seats, but my bath tub isn’t huge and they were just cramped and didn’t like it. I tried having two in the hallway while I bath one… Our bathroom isn’t big enough to have them in the bathroom with me, playing with their toys, while I bath one child. But that never worked either. So two in their chairs while I bath one at a time is all I’ve been able to manage up until recently.
I try to get cuddle time in with all three. Thankfully the other two fonqd it hilarious when I’m cuddling and making one of them laugh. A little relief there.
Ultimately I feel there are so many things I’ve missed out on because I’ve had three at one time, not even a year or 9 months to themaelves with just me before another sibling comes along, and I find myself constantly questioning what I do. Watching what others are doing and racking my brain trying to think how I can make that work with my three.
I guess that’s the problem with parenting. There’s no right or wrong answer. There’s no one fits all. Miss Chay is very different in personality to Miss Nae. And Miss Bri is different to Miss Nae. And I try to remember as best as possible that they are all individuals, and to treat them accordingly. Miss Chay loves to sleep. Miss Bri is the last to sleep and the first to wake up. But I’m constantly torn between what needs to happen and what I would like. I would love to follow each one of the girls routines that they have for themselves. Would I have a life, not even for myself, but just to keep the house in some sort of order, to cook dinner… To use the toilet… Not really. Some people can cope with that. And I’m sure there are mums with multiples that can work that way. For me, if there isn’t some sort of semi organisation I become a mess. A hot, sticky mess. And if I’m a mess…. I can’t function. And if I cant function, who’s looking after the girls? Haha
Then I wonder, am I thinking too much about my self and not being selfless enough?
I think parenting is all about balance and doing what works for you and your children. But getting that balance is so difficult and having blinkers so you’re not comparing yourself to others is even harder.
“Keep your wants, your joys, your sorrows, your cares, and your fears before God. You cannot burden Him; you cannot weary Him. He who numbers the hairs of your head is not indifferent to the wants of His children.
“The Lord is very pitiful, and of tender mercy.”James 5:11.
His heart of love is touched by our sorrows and even by our utterances of them. Take to Him everything that perplexes the mind. Nothing is too great for Him to bear, for He holds up worlds, He rules over all the affairs of the universe. Nothing that in any way concerns our peace is too small for Him to notice. There is no chapter in our experience too dark for Him to read; there is no perplexity too difficult for Him to unravel. No calamity can befall the least of His children, no anxiety harass the soul, no joy cheer, no sincere prayer escape the lips, of which our heavenly Father is unobservant, or in which He takes no immediate interest.
“He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3.
The relations between God and each soul are as distinct and full as though there were not another soul upon the earth to share His watchcare, not another soul for whom He gave His beloved Son.”
I don’t have the answer to my questions yet. I don’t quite have the peace that I am doing things right as a mother. Will I ever? I doubt it as I want to always strive to do better and bring my girls up the way God wants. I will always learn new ways and new things as God leads. But I find comfort, that when I have nights like these, when I can’t sleep because I feel like I’m not doing a good enough job, or that I’m letting God down… He hears my cries, worries and concerns. He knows how I feel and understands me. Even when I feel like no one else gets what I’m thinking or feeling. Even when I can’t articulate my thoughts properly, I don’t need to with God because He knows my thoughts.
Mums and dads, lean on God. Parenting isn’t easy. But God is there to help, lead and direct you. Keep striving for better.
Keep smiling. Stay blessed.
Triplet Mama Smith x